A Thought on Parshas Vayechi

"...va'yelchu gam echav va'yiplu l'fanav..." "...and his brothers also went and fell before him..." (50:18) The sons of Yakov had sent a messenger to appease their brother Yosef, hoping that he would forgive them for their actions years before. Now that their father had died, they feared that Yosef, a powerful man, might seek revenge. Our verse tells us that now the brothers themselves entered the palace, and prostrated before their younger but mighty brother. The verse, using the word "gam" - also - implies that their appearance was in addition to or an extension of that earlier mission of having sent a messenger in on their behalf (see verse 16). Is there a lesson for us from this sequence of events? Rabbeinu Avigdor derives from here a psak - a halachic ruling. The Torah is teaching us that one can appoint an agent (shliach) or intermediary to approach an aggrieved person on his behalf to ask forgiveness for hurting, slighting, insulting or embarrassing him, and in fact the offended or victimized person can respond favorably to the apologetic message. However, from our verse we also learn that the act of forgiving requires a face-to-face encounter as well. It is not just that one who asks forgiveness must humble him or herself and petition the victim directly. It is more than that: Rabbeinu Avigdor understands that our verse is instructing us that the victim who agrees to do the forgiving must also permit the offender a personal audience. If I am sincere in seeking forgiveness, I will be willing to ask him or her directly. If I am sincere in wanting to grant forgiveness, I must first see if I can actually tolerate being in the presence of my adversary. If I cannot accept him, I may not be ready to accept his apology. Forgiveness is a relationship for which both parties must be prepared. And that is the halacha. Good Shabbos. D Fox