A Thought on Parshas Chayei Sara

"...henay anochi nitzav al ein ha'mayim..." "...behold, I am standing near the spring of water..." (24:13) Eliezer was on a mission to discover the woman who would be the bride of his master's son Yitzchak. As he approached a settlement in the region to which he had traveled, he did not proceed further but rather waited in the wilderness fringe near a water source, anticipating the possible arrival of this as-of-yet undiscovered choice of wives. The questions abound here, but one in particular calls out to us: why did Eliezer feel it necessary to camp beyond the city limits? Why not enter the town and begin interviewing or searching for the designated woman? What could be gained by meeting her by chance, out of town? The Gan offers a perspective: anyone seeking a wife for Yitzchak son of Avraham would want to focus on examining her qualities. A wife should be healthy and appealing. To marry noble Yitzchak, son of Avraham, she would need a comparable pedigree of stature. To be prepared to emulate the ways of his family, she would have to be efficient, welcoming, and generous. She would also need to be modest. Eliezer reasoned: "wherever I meet with her, I can determine if she seems healthy and of nice appearance. Similarly, I can learn whether she is of good stock by asking around. I can watch the way she welcomes me and my caravan to determine whether or not she is generous and welcoming. However, tznius - modesty - is hard to discern. If I meet her in town around her parents and she seems to dress and act with modesty and demureness, it may not be authentic. She may dress and act that way because her parents demand it or because her social milieu expects it. Modesty as an authentic inner characteristic is hard to detect. But (reasoned Eliezer), if I wait by the water out in the wilderness, I will catch her unawares, clad and functioning according to her own wishes and personal standard, in that she does not expect an audience or a witness to see her attire and conduct. If she appears modest and demure even on her own, away from family and from the public eye, I can consider that a valid reflection of her own wishes. That will authenticate her inner life as one of demure modesty and of self-containment. This test will reveal whether or not she is a match for pious Yitzchak. "...mi ha'ish ha'la'zeh ha'holech ba'sadeh l'ik'ra'seinu..." "...who is this man walking in the field, towards us..." (24:65) So, the unquestionably modest Rivka agrees to ride back with Eliezer to meet her husband-to-be. On the way, she spies a man in the distance. She inquires about him. The Gan ponders: there seem to be a number of difficulties simply addressing the plain meaning of this verse! Did Rivka inquire about every man whom she saw along the road? Why does the verse mention that she saw him walking in the field when it could have said merely "the man walking towards us"? Why does it say "towards us", omitting a verb; shouldn't the verse have said "coming towards us"? The Gan explains: Rivka certainly did not notice, nor ask about, any of the men passing along the highway or strolling in the fields. What intrigued her was that she saw a man off in a distant field walking around, who then turned in their direction and continued towards them. She was curious about why this person seemed to alter his trajectory upon seeing their caravan and redirect himself towards them. Thus, Rivka's question did not reflect a lack of modesty. It reflected an element of concern that someone had noticed them and was now heading towards them in order to cross their path, which would necessitate some interaction. It was her modesty which generated this concern, and led to her inquiry. This further validated that her authentic self was one of preferring privacy, shunning notoriety, avoiding unnecessary interactions, and maintaining an enduring and reflexive modesty in her orientation to others. The Gan demonstrates this interpretation based on the precise wording of the verse! Good Shabbos. This is being sent out a bit early as I too travel afield. D Fox